I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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