Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
