i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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