he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
