So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wish there were birth control emojis
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
