I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pappa wants mamma naked
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
