Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
