wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
either way he was missing a nipple.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
