i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Four minutes until I can fart!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
