I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
