I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i think i have herpe
just one?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
