im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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