Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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