don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
