your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
