Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
