I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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