Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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