maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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