I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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