Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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