did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize