Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
