I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
