We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
