you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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