i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
