She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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