His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
