My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
