He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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