Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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