Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
COCAINE IS GR8
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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