do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So vagazzling was a success
Pants are for mortals
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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