Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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