i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
