So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
