Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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