so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
