I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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