I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
