I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
