If i could tip my vagina, i would.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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