Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
