1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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