I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
