Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
