It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
