dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
