I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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