i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
