her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
