he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
