sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
