I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
