I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
