it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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