We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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