I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
