Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
