just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
