I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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