If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
