Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
