And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
