His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
