found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
zippers are such a cool invention
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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